So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
this beer tastes like vomit already
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
