im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
its liver damage thursday
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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