You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
