I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
