i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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