Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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