I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
