Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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