someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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