So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
