just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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