does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
