It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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