I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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