I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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