He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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