I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
