My balls are so social today.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
