i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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