So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
