i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
