I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
