She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
