the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
