I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
