I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do vagina's smell?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
