they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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