So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
