yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
