and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
