You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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