Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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