jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
