i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
