He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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