Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
