You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
