I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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