just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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