Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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