I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
