chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
