New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
