i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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