Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
