the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
