so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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