So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
