If i come over, it means nothing
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
