They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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